A reflection of [hades]

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 19:22:59 GMT

Well, todays the day of the live.

Rehersal is at 4 today but i still have no word of when I'm meeting Aki all i know is that we're performing at midnight.

anyways got myself dressed already. actually ended up with a more juvenille look. black/blue striped tights, a layered black skirt and a t-shirt with the moon and stars ( glows in the dark too) but yeah...skipped out on wearing my sequin mini skirt and bondage top, seemed too gothic for the event XD; but yeah..

Silver called me this morning to tell me she arrived safely in HK. It was sort of sweet and endearing even if the conversation was for less than a minute ( since she was using the hotel phone) It made me happy and made me miss her even more than I already do. * sigh* it's just for a week and a half...

Still no word from my sister. So i don't know if she got to Maine alright. I've called her twice and only gotten her answering machine and I...really dont want to call my brother-in-law cause..its awkward i'll try her again tonight. maybe shes still getting settled in.
Either way I'm a little worried...
Mom hasn't called me either =_= hmm...

well as long as Silver is alright i guess. I'll keep trying to reach my family and practice for the live in the meantime

Second Concert Tomorrow

Sun, 14 Jun 2009 01:39:41 GMT

Well tomorrow is my second live at Silver Factory Studios in downtown for Kissing Cousins Album release party. Whoot~!

Our costumes are space themed so you can just imagine all the sorts of crazy stuff I'm going to end up wearing tomorrow. Unfotunately the colors they chose are like the colors i rarely ever wear, well besides Black, but i really dont want to wear my Gothic stuff. Maybe i'll try on some makeup and stuff tonight. Even though we perform tomorrow at midnight I want to look my absolute best.

Still tomorrow sort of terrifies me. I mean sure I have shaker and Kazoo parts this time and the band has not finally started warming up to me to the point of letting me do some vocal, but...I'm just afraid of fucking up my vocal part. I sing the finale song, but during rehersals my voice isnt projecting far enough so I'm like, "FUCK."

Technically I was supposed to work on that today with Aki since she was spending the night, buut well we woke up at 10 and then talked and messed around for 3 hrs before we actually crawled out of bed. So much for working on our album and rehearsing privately. ( not that I mind messing around, I had a ton of fun :3)

Either way, I'm a little out of it today I have a ton of stuff going on with my life right now. Moms in mexico, Sis is in Maine, and Silver my best friend is in Hong Kong so, besides hanging out with Aki I feel pretty much alone. Not to mention I'm overwhelmed with the finals. I have like 3 performances and major rehearsals along with one big acedemic final on the day of my Mime Show.

*siigh*
well last night was at least fun :3 I dragged Aki along with me to meet Silver and the group to watch Up. and my god I cried like 4 times during the movie. Maybe it was because Silver was leaving for HK today and I wanted so badly to go with her . Or I don;t know maybe I'm just sad that this is the second group of friends that have left to Asia together and haven't taken me, well not like I could have gone anyways, but still...well I do hope one day I'll have my chance for going on an adventure with a group of friends or a friend with me.., but yeah the movie was good a little abrupt, but I enjoyed it.

well better go to sleep early, some reason i still feel exausted.

A little recap

Wed, 20 May 2009 19:24:44 GMT

Thought it was time to have a little recap on my life and where its headed~

Well my first live with indie band Cobra Lilies went , very well ( especially for only having one rehearsal before the show) true, i got bruised badly for falling to my knees for In the Diamond Mine and the jumping and high kicking in the wooden clogs for the finale totally bruised my ankles I'm really looking forward to performing with them again. Word on the street is that our next live is in July so XD; I have time to really get the rehersals down.

As for working with Aki Lily, I'm working with her coming up with melodies for the Wonderland Project for now though I really need to get my hands on a drumset, especially if she wants me to do precussion.

Other than my recent band life, Life has been changing for me in all sorts of directions.

In the next couple of months , mom is going to move out with her boyfriend and my sister is going to Maine for 10 weeks so essentially I'll have a lot more time alone.
This year i feel that I have grown apart from many old friends, whether its from distance, lack of communication or possibly old grudges I've lost a lot of important people in my life and although I have gained one or two new ones it's still hard starting anew and some people are really irreplaceable.

I've also tasted the nice cold stab of jealously more this year though I am getting better at dismissing it, some things arent worth fighting over.

I have mixed feelings about this summer coming up... my mom and sis are both leaving for a while and others of my closest friends are travelling so guess I'll be spending the summer, making music and making money ( unfortunately not by making music)

I'm going to be teaching Middle schoolers ( god help me XD; ) ~! mom hooked me up with a sweet job teaching art classes ( mime, Manga drawing, and a mixed media class) whooo ~!

So guess thats it for now, I'm hoping I'll be able to pull myself through this upcoming summer and I hope for the best.

First Live tomorrow

Mon, 18 May 2009 02:40:53 GMT

Yes indeed you heard it right!

My first live with the Cobra Lilies is tomorrow in some little restaurant named Juanitas in Eagle Rock. Think the show begins at 11 or 10 , but we'll see.... I'm a little nervous, since technically this was my first real rehersal, but people are saying they loved my solo dance piece and they've included me in 2 other dance numbers which I pretty much got down last time.

Only critique I got was to not be so shy around my fellow bandmates since for "Lets go into the Woods and Fall in Love" Theres a bit of a performance piece where we start this cat fight and i guess i was being gentle XD;;, i'll probbably snap into gear tomorrow night though. I'm going to be practicing tonight! Not to mention working on the finale dance ( the clogs dig into my ankle x_o need more socks)

Oh yes! and I have decided on Stage names! I'm going to have 2 since technically I am in 2 bands so

For the Cobra Lilies I am now- Ever Lily
aand for Aki Lily's solo project ...after much thinking it hit me that I already do have a stage name so "Take" it is XD though..getting a second opinion on it before I make it official.

for Aki Lily

I'm going to help Aki finish up her Wicked Circus album, although we're already working on another Alice in Wonderland themed..musical album..something ( that we're also planning on making a movie for) Yaae I get the Queen of Hearts role mostly since Aki says I " Look really good in crowns" XD;; I'm glad actually since I can really go all out with my outfit XD ...XD; well thats going to be still in development i'm going to write a few lines of Lyrics for Aki to choose from aand go back to clog dance routine .

wish my luck tomorrow and hope those clogs dont completely kill me :3

i'll put up address later

:D

To the Tidepools

Sun, 03 May 2009 07:18:54 GMT

Well tomorrows the big day.

The group picnic with my best friend and friends of hers :3

I'm actually really excited, we've never done a big group picnic or any picnic , i'm hoping if we do good then Sil will be encouraged to keep doing group events like this. I'm in charge of bringing towels and possibly candy since everything else is pretty much brought XD; I'm really happy since it's always been a dream of mine to go on a picnic like thing with my best friend.

As excited as I am I'm a little nervous though.
Maybe I've just had too many bad large group experiences, buut I can't help but feel uneasy , a feeling to keep my guard up or something. Bah thats always me jinxing myself. ^^; Best smile and just hope for the best, come what may I will handle it as best and as calmly as I can.

ah well~

A lot of other things are on my mind, but some thoughts are best kept quiet since it would cause more harm than good to bring them up so I'll just stop there.

well have to wake up early for shopping and then another shower to look my best, I have to look my absolute best tomorrow <3

A small break and stage names

Sat, 02 May 2009 02:30:33 GMT

Well the week is out finally, and luckily no rehearsal this weekend whoot, that saves me some time to practice hard on that dance piece I have to do for the Cobra Lilies.

Though this weekend I am going off to see Em at this beach sometime on sunday, that'll be fun .Still trying to figure out what I should wear. Always feel conflicted with wanting to doll myself up or dess, semi-casual, since...I can at least dress and pretend i'm not short a few marbles XD; eh it'll probbably come down to either dressing Decora, dressing steampunk , ooor ...something inbetween =_=;

Anyways this trip is one of the last things on my mind. Right now I'm thinking about my stage names since I am in both Cobra Lilies and Aki Lily's bands ( now as a drummer and mime-dance performer) I've decided for two names, since I just ..can't tag "Lily "after any name I want.

For the Cobra Lilies I'm probbably going to stick with Eve Lily or Ever Lily, think Ever sounds nicer >_>;

For Aki Lily's band ...I'm looking at Aeroni ...or some re spelling of Eroni since as much as I do love that name it is the name of my very special original character and the name closest to my heart that...I just don't have the heart to use as it is ...as awesome as it would be to come out as Eroni Reapyr XD;; I have to work on that. if all else fails I might just do something with the name "Devon" ...or Helenna Cable, or something...god..why did i use up all my good names for original rpg characters >_<; Then agan i guess the hardest person to name is myself.

but yeah...
blah... I have a lot on my plate to think about.

The Wakeup Call: "Holy crap I'm in a band" o-o

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:49:29 GMT

Well yesterday was the day I officially joined the Cobra Lilies. I was so nervous when I woke up and as I got dressed, I actually didn't know what to expect. So when I got there i was blown away x_x;

They have 8 members (now that me and some new guitarist joined) from what I saw we have like 3 guitarists ( one electric, two acoustic or something), about 4 singers ( who alternate and play the accordion, the saw, saxaphone, pots and pans, ect) aaand me who is their mime dancer ._.;

I think this was the one time in my life where I really really wished mom had pushed me to be intrested in music at an early age, rather than discovering it in High School, maybe I could contribute more to the band than just dance. I could tell Jade felt bad about having me sit there for the 4 hours of rehearsal and asked Ely ( the band leader) if she could abandon singing one song to do an act with me XD; ( unfortunately she's one of the best singers so that caused an uproar XD; even i said no since that song needed her) buut I'm taking ( and i think their taking) me as a guest star. Which is only fair considering their already getting up there, from what I've heard their music is starting to get played here and they just finished recording an album so yeah they prob think I'm just riding on their coat tails since i'm just a mere performer.
Luckily, Jade has her Solo project Aki Lily and asked me to join her band as their official dancer and since they're just starting out I think I'll have more luck actually singing and contributing more to the band, but either way the next live is on May 10th and rehersals are every Sunday so x_x; I better hustle.

At the end of the day I'll be performing a "mime dance" for the song Diamond Mine aand they asked me if i was willing to clog dance for the finale song Shoes Off , I think I learned the dance by watching them, but i'll need a run through it with them next rehersal.

They introduced me as Alex, but said if i wanted to choose a stage/performers name it has to be with an A or an E. I found it funny because that's already been on my mind for a while but Originally I wanted it to be like Devon something ( buut besides Devon being one of my OC char names, now i definately cant choose that)
I'm leaning towards "Alice" Alice Lily does roll off the touge nicely, buut it seems so cliche >_> as much as i love Alice in wonderland...part of my wants to say "noooo."
Bah and I have to figure all this out by thursday the earliest...well at least I wont be cooped up in the house all weekends.

Still, this still feels like a dream. Since High School I wished that one day I'd be with a band XD; Now that I'm in two it seems...unreal. XD;

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:54:03 GMT

Alright so getting letters ready to mail out XD amazing that I'm still doing some form of mail service from starting back when I was 17 XD; even if now I only mail one or two people I still enjoy these just the same. ^^ need to go ot and buy a smaller padded envelope though...damn

Bah Spring break is almost over ;_; I've only really had a break this monday when I invited Jade to spend the night at my place. Sometime this week i'm waiting for an invitation to go to dinner with her and her family, since they are part of the CobraLilies aand I am going to be working with their band so huzzah ~!

Unfortuantely i hurt my other ankle yesterday night so now both my ankles ache x_x; So much for practicing Mime during my break--although i did get new ideas for skits, though now i have to begin writing for the show in June
so hopefully that will go well x_x; I went to downtown to try to get the bootleg chrono cross soundtrack, still $30 >_> looks like i'll have to dig for some of the od burnt CDs for it and see whats useable since my sister really says i shouldnt use music with lyrics for pantomime. I kind of belive her since even if i use any of my Japanese CDs its still strange and ..i really dont need another crazy reputation, i already have an odd one with the fact that me and my mime bff is always hanging off me so >_>;;

so we'll see how everything goes, man i really want to finally meet to cobralilies and be introduced officially into the band--they asked me if i could sing too so thats a big hint they may want more for a more permanent thing-luckily i think one member is leaving anyways so * shimmies in* >3

God I can't wait to start. >3

...

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 06:46:59 GMT

I wonder if I'm depressed if i have this really strong urge to smoke and drink. Maybe i'm just frustrated. I feel like living fast and dying young.

I dont know what it is...I Just feel so...sad.

I hate these times of the night when I feel completely alone and...not alive.

Maybe that's why I put on these costumes on these nights and pretend I'm someone else, it helps break me free from these four walls. These conformities of normality...I don't really feel I'm an individual I feel I was put on this earth to serve the people who need me, but it hurts to sometime wonder what happens when I'm not needed anymore..?

What happens when the things I've held so dear come to an end? Will I die out inside? x_x;Or maybe I died out a long time ago and I'm clinging onto these memories like a ghost.

Either way..right now I don't feel real...

So I put on a dress and make up until i no longer resemble myself and I dance. I want to forget I want to wake up and one day find myself being the sane one in a made world, not the other way around.

Wow I havent been here in YEARS! O_O; * -updates-

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 08:44:33 GMT

Wow O_O didn't expect to come back to LJ and yet here I am on another sleepless night o-o. Doubt anyone reads this journal anymore so for maybe the lucky few who do you'll get the update on my life and my going ons. :3

Well, I changed my majors a while ago from film to performing arts. I'm actually really talented in theater though I'm specializing in Pantomime and am trying to develop my own style of storytelling that includes both mime and modern dance.

Recently I got an invitation to perform for an indies all girl band. A friend of mine is the bassist and when she heard what I can do with pantomime she talked to the band and as of now I'm going to perform for one of their songs as a pantomime story to one of their songs. Course I still haven't gotten the lyrics but i am going to their show this Saturday ( hopefully)to see the debut of Blue Diamond (which is what i have to do) Along with meet the rest of the band members and see exactly what style i'm dealing with since their music is very much acoustic/folk and ballady which isnt bad and actually makes my job easier soo yeah.

but yeah the bassist, Aki ( stage name) is also an amazing song writer and a f*cking good vocalist is starting up a solo project which is more rock and I know that once she starts it up she's been asking me to get on it and learn drums so that i can be her drummer ^^, luckily her mom is the drummer of the band i'm performing for so lucky me i may actually get training this time >3

perhaps now i can at least say that i did follow my dream to be a star even if it may be short lived. I want to at least know I gave it my all so ^^ I'll try not to disappoint.

in the relationships department...

I've been single for the past 4 months, which has been both refreshing and hard. Though I do miss the feeling of being cared for as I was, I am not kept lonely, least not while I'm in school. I've actually become quite popular recently. Finally a few days of not having to wear sweats and actually going to class in VK clothes has gotten me love from old friends and new. Actually got invitations to play dress up and have a tea party with a few girls during this spring break, so I'm kept pretty busy nowadays though usually I just stay inside. ( Kind of wish i could get a date with a cute girl though * pout* most of them just see me as a friend and one chick is just insane and I dont know what to think XD; but not going to go into that )

I enjoy my solitude though sometimes it does get very lonely... true there is that guy that has been pestering me for a date and i did go with him but ..no chemistry and he never bothers calling so...I'll wait for an opportunity to find someone but I'm not actively looking.
though every now and then i do check and see how my old significant other is doing. ^^ I'm glad she is with someone and I hope she is happy.

Other than that I'm still basically the same..well probably a little crazier on the inside and am finally enjoying my spring break hoping to update my Decora wardrobe and yaay I'll be 21 in 3 1/2 months ...Can't wait to hit the bars with my friends ( or my sis) ..seriously =_=;..XD

okaay time for sleep XD naai naai~

Yaaaay Halloween!

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 22:56:07 GMT

Well. Now i'm back from a long day of school in my steampunk outfit...though yeah i took off my aviator hat after the first couple of hours and just wore the feather puff on my head I got a LOAD of compliments mostly because of my feather puff...

but I was really really proud of my sash since it was the tail of my mothers wedding dress and i turned it into this really nice looking sash around my waist. it was hot.

though people kept confusing me for either: Western showgirl or a pirate....is steampunk aviator that uncommon...?

...dont answer that XD;

well now that I'm home i'm going to get into my secodn costume since i dont think i'll be going out at all today so * grabs white kimono and long skirt* lets get ready for Yukionna!

i'll post pictures up of both my costumes later ( yeah true my steampunk one will be very very blurry purikura buuuuut some of you will see them up close)
aaand well yeaah XD * goes to put on next costume

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 07:30:13 GMT

Well I'm still recovering. I forgot that especially with whiplashed necks from head banging they tend to get stiffer before they get better, needless to day its a pain.

Anyways Today was my 2 year anniversary with my girlfriend <3

today was also LM.C's 2 year anniversary as a band...

So naturally i got my baby a little lm.c goodie and a little bento set so that she can see a smiling shinkansen every morning when she eats lunchies at work.

anyways so i spent the day at home snuggling her via online convo since its hard for us living nearly on opposite sides of the country, still we manage.

~~~

moving on from the fluff since thats stuffs reserved for me and my honey bear.

I took a listen to the only Angelo album i have ( Rebirth of Newborn baby) and listened to the whole thing since amazingly i'd never fully listened to the full album before.

Now i know this is going to sound awful even though I love Angelo, and i love Kirito, Takeo, and Kohta with all my heart.
Yes, Kirito is an amazing song writer, singer, ect. But i do sense the loss of spark in the music that Pierrot once brought.
As i was told before when they grouped up to form Angelo that since they had lost Aiji and Jun their guitar seemed a little weak and i sort of have to agree, its still good but for one Aiji did write most of the hits (and Aiji's songs are really good and personally I like them more.) but I mean Kirito can still write some amazing songs even though sometimes they seem too repetitive or too similar to each other.

One example of this is Hallucination ( though it has be to be favorite song next to "He is a monkey" ) when i first heard it it reminded me immedately of Automation Air....
Then again same could be said for LM.C when they played Marble-s ( which is my favorite song in the entire world) my eyes seriously widened cause at first i thought it was Sepia..

probbably has something to do with a musicians writing style but still thats not to say Angelo is not capable of writing good music without Aiji ..like when i was listening to ...* checks album* Dark Snow that guitar...in the middle is absolutely droolable, i first noticed it in the live then i got home and had to listen to it again and sure enough here was that droolable guitar (though the back of the mead was wandering how amazing it would have sounded if it had been Aiji playing that ) but i digress, i have to reason to pick on Tohru and i should give him a chance so I'm sorry Tohru i know you're the new guy , it must be tough *pats him* ;_;

Still with all that I still think Kirito is an amazing lyricist in his...storytelling ability I mean theres no question that Angelo's songs are a continuation to Pierrot's songs and each song told a story and they all web together at some point. I'd like to one day when they retire dissect each of their songs and put them in that web and figure out the overall theme and read the whole story when its done. Too bad centigrade-j went down after Pierrot split. It was an easy place to get translations and such buut yeah.

As someone who loves stories thats my ultimate dream XD;; i just love how everything flows from one song to another even if they're albums apart theres a continuation.

but yeah lol i dont even now what i rightly wanted to say i jusy have to get this out ^^;

anyways time for sleepies

I'm in your venue, crashing your fanclub shows! ( report of Angelo fanclub live)

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 18:06:52 GMT

Well now that I'm awake and i've showered I'm going to report on my experience of seeing Angelo.
All the pain and hurt i have now is so worth it.
Thank you biri for giving me that quote " I'm in your venue, crashing your fanclub shows" seriously * amused*

In contrast with the other shows I've been to this was an amazing overall experience. Considering most shows I've gone to what usually ends up happening is as soon as the lights go out there is the first " big push" to the front where everyone basically pushes everyone against the stage because they want to be in front row. I usually think of this as almost concert sex since basically you're pressed against bodies and basically rubbing against each other all bouncing with different tempos and its chaotic and sometimes hard to enjoy because there could be a crazed fangirl pulling at your hair or a drunk pushing her way to the front or something.

This wasn't the case in this show as when we got in after the fanclub , the fans themselves has made their own neat rows that gave everyone enough space and that line stayed overall throughout the entire concert. I was never shoved even once, which was a record for me and these girls were so polite and nice and respectful to the band, which is something that seldom happens in American shows. Still there was some strange power about all of us standing in these rows like i didnt once feel like being closer i was content where i was even if i wasnt front row. That was amazing. Out of the 19 (ish) of us that weren't fanclub most of us were pretty respectful. I mean it's rare for the entire livehouse to go completely silent i mean to the point of you could hear a pin drop. That was amazing. maybe one or two of the non fanclub killed the mood a couple of times in which case everyone basically twitched. But thats besides the point lets get onto the details of the live itself.

So when the lights dimmed they all came out at once . well Takeo, Kohta, and Tohru. We were probbably row 4 rows from the front so i could see Kohta's face clearly. Takeo was shrouded by the fog machine that was right above him but i got to see his face several times much to my hearts content. When Kirito came out he came out in this red plaid suit which i now see its his outfit from the new Sister PV.

and off we started with Reborn. immediately the awesome headbanging started. Intense is the only way i can describe it. I mean being surrounded by people who knew all the movements and everything definately made it easier and it got everyone pumped up more. I think definately the song that got the most energy ( not that they all werent every filled)had to have been " He is a Monkey" that song was fucking amazing. Something about all of us punching our firsts up in the air in unison while Kirito is up on stage in his dictatorish mode was incredibly....well it left me awestuck.
I have to say out of all the concerts ive been to this was one where i definately had a groove going i can almost say i danced a little. well dances in one spot by just swaying my body with he music but i haven't done that in any other show i've ever been to.
I really cant even repeat the set list but i know it was long. since it started at 7 and we got out at 9:30. and really even though i was thoroughly exhausted by the end of the show i really wanted a little more.

Now for the MCs Kirito is a dork and i love him for it.His serious random spurts of English were enough to make me smile. Takeo spoke a lot when Kirito would hand him the mic, That made me happy and his Engrish is well adorable. Kohta's voice is sexy and he has a good singing voice too, but he really looked like he was having a lot of fun. Tohru was a little shy and quiet. Though i dont know too much about him he has a cute little voice. There was something i couldnt catch while Kirito was talking sicne he was talking about Tohru and Takeo and something else then the audience went "ooOoo" so I missed it XD;

All in all the show was an amazing experience. These tickets were really exclusive too i mean extremely. There were 200 fanclub members and by the time the doors opened to us there couldnt have been more than 20 of us. and those of us who were here early got so many fucking gifts from the staff and in general we got a lot of amazing stuff. I got stickers because we were in line early. and then they said that the band was going to give us a special gift for being dedicated fans. and i suspected for a moment that it would be autographs since there were so few of us, and sure enough i was right. So now i have an Angelo Autograph too and course after the show the staff said we could have the posters that they had stuck on the wall and sure enough. I was able to get one of the chaotic bell posters too.

So all in all this had to have been the best concert experience ever, overall. We even got interviewed like 3 times for the camera the first time i completely froze since they were asking us what we wanted to tell the band so i made a fool of myself XD; well I looked like a dork cause i was at loss for words. then but after the show when they came up to us and asked us how it went I was pretty chatty and had a lot more energy to give them a real answer .

but yeah seriously maybe bands should do this more often when they have fanclub shows. Like a week or a few days in advance open up last minute tickets and such. That way you get really dedicated fans ( not all of course since i know most people probbably didn't know about the tickets till it was too late or weren't able to go because they don't live in Los Angeles) but it gives a few lucky people an experience to share with others who love the band equally as much.

So To Angelo, Thank you for coming. That was an amazing fucking show and we hope to see you again.

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 12:51:31 GMT

Well today i'm off to see Angelo. I cant wait to be in a sea of screaming fangirls ands be one of the few people dying for Takeo. I really hope we're able to get there early enough to be in front of kohta. if not , oh well.

Biri , Aiji i will see you there, just have to head up to early film history and then tell Whitney I have to leave early so i wont be there for mime.. x_o;; I already know isolations. i'll practice them today in line i suppose

but in the meantime * grabs monologue* time to rehearse for midterm XD;

Y-You want me to go to G-Guanajuato!?

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 19:18:39 GMT

Ahh its been a while since i've been here and man have i had a lot to think about.

recently my dad came to visit me and my sis and course we had the talk about my future. the inevitable and probbably the one topic i hate to talk about to him the most. and i guess my sister went and talked to his first and twisted her words around but basically they were this

"Everyone thinks that living here in this place is holding you back so you need a breath of fresh air and real life. So your sister and i were talking and we think it would be best for you to leave the US for six months and go to Guanajuato, Mexico "

I was shaken up I mean my dad had been trying to get me to go to Mexico for years and my sister wants to get me out of the house ( which i personally agree with)

but... going here?:

to live for six months or so seems sort of extreme.. ._.;

though later on my sister did talk to me and straightend out what had had twisted and basically said that by going there and being on my own i would have a chance to grow up and practice my mime and performance over there in front of the public in the streets since its a very touristy place and i could easily get a job since i'm bilingual showing tourists around or getting a day job and performing at night then when i come back i'll be a completely different person.

the good:
* my dad will be able to start me up with a small place to live in and will be able to help me in a pinch since he only lives 4 hrs away
* since it is a very artistic colonial town the arts are very well respected and are very forgiving and warm to newcomers so its a good starting point.
* being in a far away place i'll be better able to adjust to different kinds of people cultures , ect

The bad:
*By going over there i'm comitting myself to an artistic career which only my sister and mom fully back me up on.
I know my lover doesnt exactly approve of my artistic route too much either, and for good reason since its risky and its all up to me.
* If i dont do anything it will be wasted time.

though as my sister said the pain purpose in university for arts isnt about going to school. because it doesn't really teach you how to be an artist but it gives you connections but in the perfomance route i want to go performing in front of an audience is key then the connections.

if i do nothing nothing is going to happen and I'm 20 now i cant just sit back and expect anyone to hold my hand and lead me to a good point so I'm actually considering this...

thats not to say i'm scared shitless of the idea. But maybe a chance that drastic may either kill me or make me grow up.

maybe i'll talk to my lover about this once i'm more sure but for now i have to recollect my thoughts and really...really think about my future and start making serious choices.

I cant hold onto my youth forever....and it seems i cant wait til things get better... * sighs*
I dont know what to think...

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 04:51:02 GMT

Happy 20th Birthday to me.

(tomorrow... )

have no idea what Im doing .

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 03:54:46 GMT

10 songs I'm currently obsessed with as tagged by </a></b></a>whywhyzee in no particular order.

1. Alice Nine- Rainbows
2. LM.C- With Vampire
3. Pierrot- Rebirth Day
4. gLaDOS- Still Alive
5.Plastic tree- Slide
6. Kajinaga Daishi- Strawberry talk show
7. LM.C- Marble-s
8. The Postal Service- The place is a prison
9. The Cure- Love song
10. Chrono cross opening theme- Time scars.

and i tag anyone and everyone

Rockband+ Family event= Humiliation+ Anger > Fun

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 03:59:02 GMT

Ugh now I hate rockband.

Its ok to play it with friends ( I prefer drummania personally but =_= ) since you can mes around and sound bad on purpose

when you have to play with with your cousins its sooo ugh. ok Firstly, I cannot play guitar. why do people insist on giving me guitar. I like drums! and when i do play drums its like tiny.

and the only thing that made my day is that they had "Still Alive" from Portal on there which i sang but everything else was like " uhhh i dont know this song i dont listen to many english speaking bands"

i mean need i remind people that before i got into Jrock six years i didnt care much for music. I mean sure i liked Depeche mode , the beatles and the Cure but thats because my sister and i grew up with it. =_= and didnt search up any of the trendy bands when everyone in HS was into that or metal or any of that.. I was the bookworm who rped fantasy and wore " punk rock"ish clothing just because it looked sorta cool ..i was a strange kid

*siiigh*

and ontop of that my uncle ( whom I really despise) like would not let me leave til i sang ; he even kicked my uncle Rick out to to make me sing and then bitched about how i wasnt singing loud enough) well excuse me for not wanting to impress you.

so now i'm back home: late, humiliated and angry.

I really hate going to family events where you have to show off.

tagged by Ciao_from_oj287

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 03:57:48 GMT

1. What are your reasons for having a LJ?
I like getting some stuff out sometimes..

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Roleplay, *cough* -censored- thats basically my nightly schedule

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
Dont know anymore all i know is that for the after party when i dance with my wife ( since i doubt i'll have a husband) i want to hear marble-s playing when we slow dance together.

4. Chocolate: dark, light, milk, white, flavored?
Dark chocolate please :3

5. Where do you want to go on vacation next year?
well... probbably Chicago again to see nick, or i really want to take a road trip to san fran or visit new york again

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I've loved a lot of people. it moves me more however when they love me back with as much passion

7. Do you trust easily?
Yes and no. I trust my close friends however once you upset me my trust in you breaks and its very hard to regain it

8. If you could buy yourself any ONE thing what would it be?
a degree. seriously then afterwards i can just get a job and move in with my girl

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Life in general sometimes is dissapointing.

10. What is your best quality?
Uhm...i dont know what people see in me i'm insane

11. Is being tagged fun?
I like it it makes me feel noticed

12. How do you see yourself?
i'm photogenic in photos but i feel fat and sometimes i beat myself hard emotionally

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Nick, E, and Aiji

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Casey is wonderful. She is quirky, fun, and really smart. She is very elloquent with words and I love her role-playing style. I hope one day we can play again someday.

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Single and rich. ( though in an ideal world i would choose married but poor)

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?
one if even. it'll be hard to give up sex

17. What's better, to give or to receive?
>3 I love both equally

18. What is your dream career?
Performing artist ( musical/ mime)

19. What would you do if you became pregnant unexpectedly?
I would wonder how a woman got my pregnat? but if i was raped i'd be scared murder the father and then get an abortion

20. What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite sex?
Alex?

shopping woes and birthday plans

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:28:19 GMT

uuugh Algonquins sale too badall the stuff I like is still friggin expensive.
that black and white yukata is friggin orgasmic but $220 x_o;; jebus

ehh never liked Algonquins much anyways prices are so expensive

I absolutely love the new Sex Pot revenge teddy bear necklace ( but again $32) x_o;;;

and I'm still in love with Deoart's checkered jinbe i mean seriously x_o its not so bad its $80 but its the shipping that kills me. but that jinbe is love i think i actually want it more than the yukata but x_o; no way i can afford it * presses against glass monitor and drools*

though still after seeing Grucho's line of LM.C shirts for $90 i'm conflicted x_o; since i really really want the Bell the Cat shirt or the Boys and Girls jersey ( i would go for the jumpsuit but its $300 dollars)

then again if i could ever afford one thing from Takuya Angel i could die happy * still regrets being nice and returning the lost package of merch * x_o;;

*siiiiiigh*

well anyways nows not the time to be thinking of me Aiji and Jun's birthdays are coming up. Aiji's turning 21 this year.. jebus...well i sort of have an idea for part of Aijis present anyways. its the party that concerns me. that is if we have one. last years sorta blew, Aiji tossed out the idea of having an LM.C themed party. I'm all up for it and hey since our birthdays are like a week apart we may just make it a joint Takeo and Aiji birthday party....cant belive i'm going to be 20...x_o;;; thats... unreal.

as for my own birthday ...lets see this year it falls on a tuesday. So mom will come home and all...but its a weekday.... and its a tuesday..well Aiji doesnt work tuesdays i guess i can hang out in j-town or purikura or something. I want to be able to spend some time with Nick too...hrmmm....i dont know what i'll do theres always the option of staying home and spending all day online like i did last year.

eeh we'll see what happens.

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:18:13 GMT

My god people x_o stop selling your awesome old Pierrot tour goods x_o; a scary collector like me cant resist i'm running out of money x_o;

*drools*

* just bought 4 Takeo posters and stationary for roughly $20

x_o;;;

*hoards pierrot goods* >>;;.....<<;;....

new account for jrockcafeness yaaay

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:15:58 GMT

Well I finnaly made a new Journal XD

Dont worry i'm NOT going anywhere I love my eroni_bunny account

I just figured since it seems me, Biri, Aiji, and Gacky are taking this JrockCafe more seriously than anything else I made a new journal stictly for posting about Japanese Fashion history , tips, trends, interviews, and perhaps concert reviews and such that i am writing for JrockCafe. my first reports ( and probbably rough drafts XD; ) will e on there in case i forget to write to Biri the info.

this will still be my normal journal ^^ for my angstyness

but yeah if any of you are intrested the account name is: sweety_cupcake

( since I am Sweety the Fashionable cupcake XD;;; * sweatdrop* )

anyways i'd better get to work on that....

and find my backpack since i want to send Nick her LM.C goodies i got for her <3

A little self Improvement

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 16:37:53 GMT

So i've decided to start my little side project of doing fashion reports. I think i'll start with some of the more VK fashion because i really reaally dont want to start with Gothic lolita. I'll get to them after . Really cant wait till i get to Decora though. so we'll see what happens. I'll take a notebook with me to school and start writing. when i finish the report i'll call Biri-chan and e-mail it. or i'll jusat post it here since i'll need an editor

damn i still cant find my backpack....maybe i left it outside...? I'll ask grandma about it because...my wallet and sketchbook is in there along with my hair accesories and more importantly i need that wallet since my cat is out of sand and i want to start going to the gym.
I need to lose 25 pounds which now doesnt sound all that bad its a reachable goal * smiles*

so my new rules are:
* no fast food ( soda doesnt count but i'm going to limit it to at MOST 2 bottles a week)
* a balanced 3 meals a day ( with maybe two small snacks in between ( by small snacks i mean like maybe a handful of nuts or something.
* no eating after 10pm
*only eat when i'm hungry, not when i need to munch or something or angry
* and in the event where i have no other choice than to eat fast food ( forgetting lunch, concert line, ect) one thing may be acceptable, but no fries and a meal is knocked out.

*excersize at least three times a week ( maybe more)and if i am unavaliable to i can do a few things in the house to lose weight

ohhh i hope this works.

and when I lose all that i'll...well. I'll do it for Nick and i'll reward myself somehow. cant be spending money anymore LM.C is over time to save for the trip....and for a tattoo.

yeah i'll save for Takeos wing tattoo ( but not on my arm, i was thinking on my leg ) and if I lose a LOOOT of weight I'll have two LM.C bunnies on each side of my hip or something, that one i'm still trying to decide. The takeo one is first though since that one is meaningful. Yeha i know the his wing isnt spectacularly awesome but I like it .

~~

Anyways. I have a lot of work to do. I'm actually hoping to get a Camera and start to photograph all the visual people that are in j-town ( myself included) maybe interview a few od them too. since we need to make JrockCafe a reality ne i'm tired of sitting around always saying we're going to do things, but nothing gets done and so yeah * nod nod* should help me get out more too i'm getting too used to be a closed off hermit for comfort so...

so until i find my sketchbook... * takes out notebook and starts writing down questions* ^^ ok lets get to work!

LM.C concert report .. sorta * half asleep*

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 06:55:19 GMT

O...M...G...

That had to have been the craziest and most amazing shows i've ever been to!
I got to the line with Aiji, Gacky, Biri, and her mom at around 12am or 1 am yesterday and basically stayed awake all night holding the fort there was only about 6 people in line in front of us ( and holding for about 3 or 4 in total) but there was probbably no more than 20 of us all night. Me , gacky and biri stayed at the line . Gacky and biris mom went to the hotel. the night wasnt so bad it was acutallypretty warm didnt even need a jacket.. then again i didnt even sleep while iw as on the street

Anyways by 6 am i went back to the hotel( with Aiji and Biri) passed out and by noon i was back in line again. fully showered and Decora I have to admit heat+lack of sleep+ grudges = me in a bad mood. So during the middle of the day there was drama but then i decided to call it off since i mean this is LM.C after all.

so time passed I got merch ( or rather Aiji went to the convention to get me merch and stuff ) unfortunately those lm.c bandannas sold out buut i was able to get one LM.C glove, one LM.C t-shirt, aaand one LM.C poster ( that Aiji got me)

apparently i was one of the lucky ones who manged to get LM.C's autograph at AX ( i actually have to thank Emily and Francis for this. Em for hooking me up to Francis and Francis for getting it . ) I luff them soooo much right now

So yes as for the show itself. I forgot the Set list and the order, but I was sooo happy they did Marble-s . I started crying when it began playing. Though i would have thought for the Encore they would have played With Vampire. but instead they played Oh my Juliet and Boys and Girls a second time.
b-but they point is they played Marble-s my most favorite song ever and i started to cry because it sounded so wonderful.

oh so right XD;; sound. Really I couldnt hear much of Maya for being in the front stage, but then again i was right in front of Aiji and his godly guitar *melt* I actually did end up toughing him and his sweaty hands.... and his knee. well more of i was too again to go and grab his knee so my fingers just brushed it thenm pulled back scared to death... it seemed creepy. still it bothered me that one girl behind me who tried to grope his ass >_<; i mean jesus leave the man alone! i mean yes it i wanted too i could habd ran my hand down Aijis leg, but you know what? No. thats just f8cking creepy! I'm happy having my fingers just brush his sexy bony knee.

anyways since we're on the subject of Aiji... my god! That man is beautiful! He looks just like the pictures, its .. unreal hes so skinny too and so bouncy. He was smiling a lot i think he really enjoyed himself. I think he even smiled at me for a split second. I mean sure Pierrot would have been awesome but just to have Aiji less than a foot away from me made me forget everything and i've never been more content. Seeing his sweaty drippy face and those adorable smiles and those huge eyes of his O_O and his dimples!XDD;;;

Maya looked different though . He didnt have his 88 hair he has his regular visor hair and i dont know he looked..older? maybe it was a 5 o clock shadow or something but hes so friggin cute too XD and so silly XD <33

but yeah I did end up touching almost everyone.
I got Hiko's bass pick
I touched JayKay's hands ( he's so friggin adorable!! )
aand Maya Hi-fived me... i think * cant remember details* well i touched his hand
and I touched Aijis sweaty soft hands XD;;; and his wrist

and i was dancing with Denki-man XD so awesome.

seriously one of the best and craziest shows i've been to. The crowd sucked especially the ground behind us. damn bitches. i'll seriously elbow them in the factr nect time they punch biri in the face * cranky from lack of sleep*

ok well me gouing to bed now..or try to. My face is sunburned and i'm opretty sure i got a tan x_o;;;

nai nai * yaawn*

oh Biri i hope you're ok and thank you and your mom again for your hospitality * bows and snugg*

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 22:01:48 GMT

*siiigh*

*depresses*

Looks like i wont be going to AX this year. I wouldnt mind it so much if LM.C wasnt doing an autograph session * cries* A-Aiji , Maya why * reaches for*

I know that Biri is alreadt getting Aiji their autographs i dont know exactly if she can get me one to. I hope.. I really hope * dies a little inside*

even if i'm going to the concert i would like to see them... more than once.

*cries*!!